“Re: “Settling”
I have felt the pain from being away from someone that you love. The feeling as if your heart is being torn to pieces as the seconds tick by while you sit alone, separate not only in body, but in mind, from the person you love. I say not only in body, but in mind, as I have come to understand that developing these feelings for someone is rarely ever reciprocated. Even more so, I have come to understand that the development of these feelings towards anyone is dangerous and very often leads only to pain.
Two years ago, light had entered my life, brighter than anything that I had ever realized possible. Two years ago, shadows that I had not even known to exist were cast out and an array of loves and passions had taken their place. Two years ago, I had learned to love. Every minute that I had spent with her, every thought of her, echoed countless times in my head, replayed over and over. She was the one that I absolutely could not bear to be apart from her. She was the one that I was head over heels for. She was the one right for me, who was fantastic and worth every minute of my life. These memories of what had once been, of what I once had, of who I once knew, are the only memories of love that I cherish.
As quickly and abruptly as this light had entered my life, it had vanished, taking all the light from within me. I was left with nothing more than the light of the memories to guide me through the darkness. The darkness of life has since been standard.
However, I have learned that it is not the memories that are guiding me through the darkness; it is the light radiating from me. The memories of what once was had have made my life feel as if it were dark, as if the life I have been experiencing now does not radiate as much as it once had with being with her. And since this realization, the light from within me has only grown stronger.
However, it has still been two years since I have felt for anyone remotely as close as I had felt for her. Since then, I have denied the progression of many relations as I am still waiting for the next her. Waiting for the next one that will take your breath away is a long and tiring wait. And this is why this wait should not be promoted. Life is not a fantasy. The opportunity that I had, the blessing that I had, is what some will never experience.
I completely agree with you that you should not create a relationship for the reasons you listed. But at one point you are going to have to “settle” as you will realize that what you are looking for is rare and you are setting yourself up to fall.
Please excuse my rant, but your post had provoked many emotions from the past. I thank you for taking the amount of time and love that you put into your blog, I appreciate it very much.
Tl;dr Life is not a fantasy. Waiting for the one will only bring pain and despair. Happiness does not come from another person; it only comes from within you. Oh and recycle, stay in school, don’t do drugs, help your elder neighbour with her groceries and tip your waiter.”
Mm, I enjoyed reading this, although it was kind of hard. And, actually, you’re right. I totally agree. I mean of course in a fantasy world everyone finds their absolute soul mate and is forever happy but it is very rare for things to work out that well in real life. So I do think at some point you have to let go, a bit, the idea of a perfect love, but I don’t think that means that you should completely switch over to the other side and just go for the first person you meet. You agree with that though, I think.
Good point, well said. I think you sound very interesting :)
